The teacher. A play for 4 people. Comedy - Николай Владимирович Лакутин

Anna. Your friend came to see you.

Ksyusha. Yes, I know. Did you behave normally?

Anna. Yes, everything is fine.

Ksyusha. Have you been drinking? Did you smoke in the apartment?

Ksyusha sniffs the air.

Anna. No, not at all. It's all good.

Ksyusha. What's good?

Anna. It's all good.

Ksyusha. Why is everything okay with us? When was this?

Anna smiles, evades the question. Ksyusha continues to have dinner.

Anna. Ksyu, I want to consult with you.

Ksyusha. What problems? Take advice!

Anna. I thought that I needed to change my image.

Ksyusha stops eating, looks at Anna like a sheep at a new gate.

Anna. He can do some other hairstyle, somehow present himself in a different way. Change your clothes.

Ksyusha. So! What happened?

Anna. You see, I was never taught that a girl should be well-groomed, beautiful. I realized with horror that I still don't know anything about femininity. I've always been raised the same way as boys. At the same level, according to the same requirements, according to the same pattern. Just now, the guys were wearing trousers, and I was wearing skirts. That's all. I've never used lipstick, I've never known what a manicure is. Somehow I always thought that all this was not mine, and indeed all this was superfluous.

Ksyusha. And now who taught you all this?

Anna. Yes… Nobody. Simply… I thought it might be… Why not?

Ksyusha. By yourself?

Anna. Yeah.

Ksyusha. Just like that, for nothing?

Anna. Yeah.

Ksyusha. Hey…

Anna. No, Ksyukh, seriously. Look at me! Who needs me like this? Do we have to do something about it?!

Ksyusha. Well, I'm looking. Not Marilyn Monroe, of course, but it will do. Not everyone is a beauty, it's okay.

Anna. Well, thank you.

Ksyusha. No, wait a minute. You're not that scary, if you look at it that way.

Anna. He's also a bit of a complimenter, Ksyusha.

Ksyusha. Let's be specific. What do you want? Dumpling lips? Will you dye your hair blue? Will you get tattoos? Specifically— what?

Anna. None of this.

Ksyusha. That's what I'm talking about! Sit on your butt straight and don't twitch. I came up with it too.

Anna. But no one likes me! Dads come for the children — they don't pay attention to me.

Ksyusha. So they're probably married!

Anna. But they are looking at other teachers! They even flirt! And it's not just about them. No one pays any attention to me at all.

Ksyusha. Did you want attention?

Anna. Ksyukh! I'm not sixteen anymore. And for a long time! And I still don't have a man… And there was no…

Ksyusha. Come on…

Anna. Chilly.

Ksyusha. Seriously?

Anna. More than enough.

Ksyusha. Wow. And I'm just finding out about this now?

Anna. Somehow we didn't talk about it.

Ksyusha. Yes, just like that… What can I say about this, it seems like everything should be by itself.

Anna. Maybe it should have been. But there wasn't.

Ksyusha. Those times… so… Well, listen… Then… Then-then-then…

Anna. I want to become beautiful.

Ksyusha. Look at you! Maybe I want to too!

Anna. Oh, do you have to complain?

Ksyusha. It rarely happens that a woman is generally satisfied with everything about herself. Usually you want to improve something.

Anna. I can at least reach your level, already for happiness.

Ksusha. Yeah. If you reach mine, my Sledge will jump over you right there. No, thanks, you'd better stay the way you are.

Anna. Why do I need your Sledge?

Ksyusha. As you say, there was no one. And here it is. Goes. Two legs, two arms, carnations in the middle.

Anna. What are you doing? Are you jealous of him?

Ksyusha. I wasn't jealous before, but now a dangerous moment has been revealed. I will be vigilant!

Anna. You're wrong, friend. I'm not interested in your Sanka at all, you can sleep peacefully. I need to improve my life, but with such a marketable appearance, no one will take me off the shelf.

Ksyusha. Hold on. It seems to have dawned on me. What are you doing? Are you into this friend of Sanka's or something?

Anna. Well, yes, I liked him. What's the big deal? He doesn't seem to be married.

Ksyusha. So why didn't you say anything? You go around and around, you give your friend all sorts of bad thoughts. And here in the yard. Everything is clear. So you have a crush on Vitka?

Anna. I didn't fall for it. I just liked him. But don't give me away! Don't tell your friend anything, otherwise you tell him, he tells Victor.

Ksyusha. Victor! Oh, wow. No, you've got a crush on him after all!

Anna. Maybe she has a crush.

Ksyusha. Yes, she definitely has a crush! Ooh! How interesting. And I've never seen him myself. Tell me about him. What is he like? Handsome, huh?

Anna. Well… He is such a… Good.

Ksyusha. It's a good description, too. They are all good, for the time being.

Anna. So will you still advise me something about what can be changed in me?

Ksyusha thinks, looks at her friend appraisingly.