H.M.S. COCKEREL - Dewey Lambdin

"Mister Lewrie-oh, excuse me." Mistress McGowan, the cheerless governess, had entered the room. She didn't approve of parents and children mixing except at teatime, perhaps after supper for an awkward moment or two of stilted conversation. Certainly not of parents who really wished to spend time with their children.

"Firewood and water, then off to St. Helena, the crossroads of the Atlantic, m'dears. Thence 'cross the Westerlies, daring all the French privateers, to Ushant. Up our good English Channel, into the Pool o' London up the Thames. From mysterious Malabar … a delight fit for the mighty Moghuls themselves!" He reached into his tail-coat pocket as the boys fidgeted.

"And here they be-cinnamon sticks!" he cried as he produced them, to howls of rapture and leaping, clutching little hands.

"Oh, sir," Mistress McGowan simpered. "You'll spoil their supper. La, I do allow you cosset these lads something sinful. Come along, Sewallis, Hugh. There's good boys. Wash up and dress. Sweets later, if you're good. Waste no more of your father's time. Mister Lewrie, sir, mistress says to tell you that table is set, and you may sup as soon as you've washed the road away. Come, lads. Now."

"No, now!" Hugh demanded petulantly, but it was not to be. He saw his treat tucked into Mistress McGowan's apron pocket. Lewrie stood, with none of the magic of the moment left but the stickiness of the cinnamon sticks on his fingers. And feeling as ordered about as the boys did as they were chivvied off.

"Well, damme," he groused, returning to the fireplace for a warmup. "Ain't this my own house? Ain't they my own lads, to cosset as I wish? Cosset 'em? Aye, damned right I will. And how dare that… that hired bitch gainsay me, hey?"

Cony only shrugged in reply. "Got water'n towels laid out, sir. Bit of a wash afore supper?"

"I suppose so, Cony," Lewrie huffed. "Damn my eyes, but there's a hellish lot of… domesticity about these days. Aye, I'll come up. I'll be a good boy. Ain't we all learned to be such…. good ladsl"

"Ahum!" Cony coughed into his fist to hide a rueful grin of sympathy. "Aye, sir."

Alan paused in the central hallway, though, peering at the two portraits hung there side by side; his and Caroline's. His had been done in '83, just after the Revolution, whenhe'dbeen a twenty-one-year-old lieutenant. Caroline's had been painted by a talented (but annoying) artist in the Bahamas, just after they'd arrived in 1786, when she was twenty-three, and a newlywed.

Early morning tropical light, with her lush flower garden and the impossibly emerald and aquamarine waters of East Bay, which had fronted their small home as a backdrop, she in a wide-brimmed straw hat and off-shoulder morning gown, her clear complexion and her hazel eyes bright and dewy as West Indies dawn, and her long, light brown, almost taffy-blonde hair flowing carefree and loose, teased by the ever-pressing, flirtatious trades…

Had Caroline changed? Not in features, so much as… she was still lissome and slim, no matter birthing three children. She still rode almost every day, walked the acres, kept active as so many sparrows. Oh, there were laugh lines now around her eyes and mouth, more than before, her graceful hands and fingers sparer of flesh. Where, though, had that Caroline gone, he wondered?

And for himself, well, like it or not, not a fortnight before, on Epiphany, he had gone over the edge. He was thirty Middle-aged, and Caroline soon to follow by spring.

As if I don't have enough complaints, God help us, he thought.

He felt vaguely queasy and unsettled at the fetching of such a prominent seamark. Like espying the peaks of Dominica, which signified arrival on-passage to the Caribbean, yet knowing that whatever West Indies port of call one was bound for, no matter how joyous the passage, was no more than a week's sailing downwind. And no beating against the inevitability of those insistent Nor'east Trades had ever availed.

Lieutenant Alan Lewrie, RN, peered out at him from the picture with a hopeful grin, the hint of devilment in his eyes that were grey or blue by mood. Shiny, midbrown hair, sun-bleached to light brown and curling slightly at the temples and forehead, yet drawn back into a proper seaman's plaited pigtail, lay over the ears and tumbled over the uniform coat's collar. It was a youthful courtier's lean face he saw, though tanned by blistering sun and sea glare beyond a courtier's fashionable paleness. And the slight hint of the vertical scar upon one cheek-the result of a duel for another girl's honour, a girl now long gone, in point of fact-the artist had wished to suppress that, but Alan had been quite proud of his disfigurement at the time and insisted it be rendered exactly. Just as they had disputed the teeth-baring grin, too; English gentlemen were supposed to be sober and dignified in life, and limned so in portraits for posterity.

Yes, he'd wash up, he decided, taking the first of the stairs. And see if he, at the advanced age of thirty, even slightly resembled the young "sprog" he used to be.

Thirty, Jesus, he thought! And he used to spurn women who had gotten a little long in tooth. If only he'd known then in his feckless days what he knew at present!

There, he thought, almost satisfied. His reflection didn't vary much from the portrait downstairs after he had washed and toweled.

Much, he amended.

He'd been eating well, and even with rugged, outdoorsy country pursuits he was not exactly the lean-cheeked courtier of his youth, nor so pale as a titled lord. But it was near enough.

Cony finished brushing his coat and waistcoat and he redonned them. He'd slipped out of his top boots and exchanged them for a pair of indoor shoes, little more than soft-leather pumps, more like women's dancing slippers than anything else. Insubstantial though they felt, they were all "the go" lately.

Standing well back from Caroline's dressing mirror, he perused his form as well. He had been eating well, after all, though there was no snugness to the sewn-to-be-snug, buff-coloured suede breeches beyond what fashion demanded. His bottle-green coat and waist-coat sat well upon him, he thought-though they were new, run up before Christmas, so what comparison would they be?

Well, there's my uniforms, he sighed, almost relieved.

They'd changed the Regulations for Sea Officers' dress in '87, whilst he was overseas, and though he'd gone on the half-pay list as soon as Alacrity had paid off, he'd faced the expense of meeting the new dress regulations so he could call upon the Councillor of the Cheque each three months, about the time of the quarterly assizes, to prove that he was alive, that he still possessed all his requisite parts, that he was eligible for future sea duty, and to collect what was laughably termed Half-Pay. He'd just come back from the Admiralty in London, just before his birthday, and his uniform had fit him admirably well.

Damme, though… He frowned, lifting his coattails to study the heft and span of his buttocks. Hmmm…?

"Supper is served, sir… mistress," Cony announced at last, as the rum punches at the Olde Ploughman threatened to consume his stomach lining.

"My dear," Alan beamed, rising to greet Caroline as she swept into the smaller second parlour, where he'd been kicking his heels.

"Sorry, dearest, but I simply had to stop by the nursery to look in on little Charlotte," Caroline smiled in reply, coming to his arms for a welcome hug and an affectionate, wifely, kiss. Alan took her up off her feet, unwilling to let a pat and a peck on the lips suffice. Children be damned, servants be damned, he thought, I want a proper welcome!

"Alan!" Caroline chid him, but not sternly at all as she gave him what he demanded. He could hear Hugh blowing indignant bubbles of revulsion as they kissed again.

"Nothin' to sneer at, Hugh," Alan chortled softly as he let her go at last. "Take my word for it."

There was a rare light in Caroline's eyes as she knelt to give her sons a peck, too. "Ah, little Hugh. What? You'll flinch from my kiss? And Sewallis, our little angel! That's my little man, you 11 not wipe off your mother's affections."

"And how is Charlotte?" Alan asked as he offered his arm to lead Caroline into the informal dining room.

"Simply perfect, of course," Caroline chuckled, filled with a maternal warmth. Baby Charlotte, named for her maternal grandmother, was barely twelve months old and still nursing.

Soon to stop, please God, Lewrie begged silently. No matter they could afford wet nurses, no matter how unfashionable for English ladies, Caroline had insisted upon it with every child, months and bloody months of nursing! Months and months of baby talk, billing and cooing between swaddled babe and doting mama, and God help the man who interfered or tried to conduct an adult conversation. Alan espied a tiny, darker damp spot on her demure woolen bodice-a dottle of lovingly egested milk, and noted the flush of pleasure she usually bore after a feeding.

Hugh made another blubber-lipped sound of disapproval as he was helped into a chair by the governess.

"You'll appreciate girls in your own time, me lad," Lewrie cautioned him. "Even a little sister."

He pulled out Caroline's chair to seat her at the foot of the table, saw Cony and Mistress McGowan get the boys placed, and took his own seat at the head. Before he could unfold his napery, out rushed a maid with a steaming tureen of soup, and Cony was uncorking a bottle of hock with a cheery "thwocking" sound.

"Hearty chicken soup, with a dash of tarragon," Caroline announced, urging them all to dig in. 'Takes the winter chill away. Out it goes… then up? 'As a ship goes out to sea, so my spoon goes out from me' And young gentlemen never lean over their bowls, do they, Hugh?"

Hugh gulped what looked like a heaping shovel-full into his greedy maw, hunched over his plate with the spoon held like a ladle in a clumsy little paw. His cheeks puffed out like a squirrel's as he tried to swallow, and a line of creamy soup frothed between his lips. Followed a second later by the entire mouthful, since it was so hot. He began to fan, buttock-dance on his chair and bawl.

"Small sips, that's the way, Hugh. Lord…" Caroline sighed, rising to rush to his side to sponge him down and comfort him. "See how Sewallis does it? There, there, Hugh, you're not hurt. Take a sip of water, there's my little baby…"

Oh, for God's sake, Lewrie thought, eyeing them. One son prim as a parson, one looking like he'd just spewed a dog's dinner, and a dowdy wife! A matronly wife! Definitely matronly.

Well, she is a matron, ain't she, he qualified to himself. A young'un, thank the Lord. Seven years wed. Bloom off the rose, and all that. Still, she wore a fiercely white, starched mobcap, with her hair up and almost hidden beneath it; a heavy old woolen gown drab as a titmouse, with wrist-length sleeves and a high-cut bodice, totally unadorned by even a hint of lace; a pale natural wool shawl over her shoulders which plumped and disguised even more of her youth; and a bib-fronted, slightly stained dishclout of an apron, useful during child-rearing of an infant still incontinently in nappies, but Lord!

And that baby talk-all the time, he thought, feeling guilty and disloyal comparing his (mostly) delightful wife to the fetchingly handsome girl she once had been.