Lament - Мэгги Стифватер

"Girly," I managed to scoff.

Luke nodded. "But you could do so much better. You're not pushing yourself at all. So safe."

My mood immediately shifted from pleased to irritated. I'd practiced "The Faerie Girl's Lament" for months--I had arranged it with so many impossible embellishments and chord changes that even the most cynical of harpists would be awed. I didn't think I could take the designation "safe," even from the enigmatic Luke Dillon.

"Any less safe and it'd be impossible," I managed to say evenly. I get my temper from Mom; like her, though, I never show it. I just get frostier and frostier until I freeze the person out entirely. I think Luke's comment sent me to somewhere between "pretty damn cold" and "frostbite warning."

Luke gave me an odd little smile. "Don't be angry, pretty girl. I just mean that you could really write a nice little interlude in there that was all yours. Improvise a bit--be spontaneous. Make something happen. You've got the talent for that; you just aren't trying."

It took me a moment to get past his flirting to realize what he was trying to say. "I've written some tunes," I said. "But it takes me a while to do it. Weeks. Days, anyway. I guess I could see where I could put something in there."

He slid closer on the table and lifted his flute up. "Not what I meant. Write something now."

"I couldn't. It would be slop."

Luke looked away. "Everyone says that."

I sort of had a strange sense then that a lot rode on that moment, on whether I gave up or tried. I just wasn't sure what. I just knew I didn't want to disappoint him. "Then play it with me. Help me think of something. I'll try."

He didn't look back at me, but he lifted his flute and played the opening notes. I joined in with my harp half a measure later, and together we played. The first time through, my fingers automatically found the notes, as I had trained them to for months. Just like I'd automatically followed along with Luke and all his strangeness for the last half hour, taking the script as it was written for me.

But the second time through, my fingers plucked out a little variation. Not just a few notes, either. It was something more--a decision to take control and make the tune my own. For once, I was calling the tune and it felt amazing. No regrets. No second-guessing.

By the third time through, Luke dropped out after the first verse and I coaxed eight measures of something brand new from the harp.

Luke smiled.

"Gloating is very rude," I told him. "Very," he agreed.

I bit my lip, thinking. Now I was in completely unfamiliar territory and I didn't know any of the rules. "If-- what if--would you play with me this afternoon? If I switch my name over from solo to duet?"

"Yes."

"I'll go do it now." I started to rise, but he reached out and caught my arm.

"They already know," he said softly. "Would you like to practice some more?"

Apparently, I wasn't in control. Frozen by his words, I slowly sank back down, looking at him with a puzzled expression. Something in me prickled with either a warning or a promise. I had a choice--the power to decide which one it was. In a safe world, it would have been a warning.

I nodded firmly. "Yeah. Let's practice." "Dee--there you are."

Distracted, I turned to find James standing behind me. It took me a moment to remember the last time I'd spoken to him. "I threw up."

Luke said, "Nice kilt."

James looked hard at him. "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

"Parking lot," Luke said mildly. "Of the music store."

It was peculiarly difficult to imagine Luke someplace else, someplace ordinary, but James seemed to believe him. "Oh--right. What happened to that fiddler you were playing with?"

"He had to go home."

I had the curious sensation both were leaving things unsaid. I resolved to ask James about it later.

"Are you playing soon?" I asked.

"They've just finished up the a cappella or whatever it's called and they're starting the duets now.

Jason Byler--you remember him--and I decided to do the pipes with his electric guitar, just to see if we can get a rise out of the crowd. So yeah, soon. I'm going to head inside and find him. I'll listen for your name, though." James was still staring at Luke as if he were some sort of rare plant specimen.

"Good luck," Luke said.

"Yeah. Thanks." He held out his hand, brushing my fingers with his. "Later, Dee."

After he had gone, Luke said, "He likes being different." I agreed.

"Unlike you," he added.

I frowned. "That's not true. I like being different. But somehow everything that makes people outside of high school notice me makes me invisible inside the school." I shrugged. "James is my only real friend." Immediately I thought I'd said too much, that I'd go invisible to him as well.

But he merely rubbed his flute absently before looking at me. "Their loss."

"Deirdre Monaghan. Luke Dellom."

I jerked at the sound of my name over the loudspeaker.

"Easy now," Luke said. "We don't need you passing out. They'll wait." He got up and shouldered my harp, offering me his flute case again. Then he held the door open for me. "After you, my queen." I closed my eyes briefly as the door shut behind us, waiting for nerves to slam me again.

"Do you know how some people can do anything?"

I opened my eyes. I realized he was waiting for me to lead the way to the auditorium, so I started walking up the stairs. "What do you mean?"

As we got closer to the auditorium, there were more students waiting in the halls, all talking noisily, but I heard Luke's voice behind me without difficulty. "I mean, you tell them to write a tune, they give you a symphony right there. You tell them to write a book, they write you a novel in a day. You tell them to move a spoon without touching it, they move it. If they want something, they make it happen. Miracles, almost."

"Uh, not really," I said. "Except for on the Sci-Fi Channel. Do you know anyone who can do that?"

Luke's voice dipped. "I'd ask them to do a few miracles for me if I did."

We pushed our way backstage; the previous duet, two trumpets, was still playing for the judges.

They were revoltingly good.

Luke persisted. "What gets me is you could walk right by someone like that on the street. That you'd never know if you were like that unless you tried."

"This is about the improvising on the tune, isn't it?" I scanned heads for someone in charge. I was starting to get that light-headed, too-warm feeling that meant I was going to either hurl or fall down soon. "I get it. I wouldn't have ever known I could improvise like that if you hadn't made me."

"Deirdre Monaghan and Luke Dillohm?" It was another lady with a clipboard, horribly mispronouncing Luke's last name. "Good. You're up next. Wait until these guys get offstage, and they'll introduce you. You can say something brief about your piece if you like. Brief." With a harassed expression, she turned to the musicians behind us and began repeating the speech.

"I just think you don't push yourself enough," Luke said, continuing exactly where he'd left off.

"You settle for ordinary."

This struck a chord with me, and I turned to look at him. I will call the tune. "I don't want ordinary."

Luke smiled at me, or at something behind me, his expression unreadable. Then he pulled a small, unmarked bottle of eyedrops from his pocket.

"Dry eyes?"

"I have strange eyes. I'd like to be able to see everything tonight." He blinked, his eyes shiny with the drops and his lower lashes filled with small tears. A swipe of his arm and his eyes and lashes were dry, though no less bright. Something about them made me want to see the everything he was going to see.

"Deirdre? Ah, I thought that was you." Mr. Hill, the school's music teacher and band director, touched my elbow. He had acted as my musical mentor since I began high school; I knew he thought I was destined for greatness. "How are you doing?"

I contemplated the question. "Actually, not as bad as I expected."

Mr. Hill's eyes smiled behind his wire frames. "Great. I wanted to wish you good luck. Not that you need it, of course. Just remember to avoid pinching the high notes when you're singing."

I smiled back. "Thanks. Hey--I'm playing in duets. Did you know?"

Mr. Hill looked at Luke and his smile vanished. Frowning, he asked, "Do I know you?"

Luke said, "Nobody knows me."

I looked at him. I will.

"Deirdre? Lucas? You're on." The clipboard-woman took my elbow firmly and pointed me in the direction of the stage. "Good luck."

Together we walked into the too-bright lights of the stage. Luke's hair was lit to white. I looked out, off the stage, trying to see where my family was, but the audience was cast in shadow. It was better that way--I wouldn't see Delia's invariably smug expression. I gave the darkened faces one last glance before sitting on the folding chair; it was unpleasantly warm from the last nervous performer.

Setting down the harp, Luke crossed behind me and whispered, "Don't be ordinary."

I shivered and gathered my harp to me. Something told me "ordinary" wasn't possible when Luke was involved, and that thought was more exciting and terrifying that anything the competition could offer.

"Deirdre Monaghan and Luke DeLong on lever harp and wooden flute."

I leaned to Luke and whispered, "They all say your name wrong."

Luke's teeth made a thin smile. "Everyone does."

"I didn't, did I?"

The stage lights reflected off his eyes like the glow off a lake; I was dazzled in spite of myself.

"No, you didn't."

He adjusted the microphone and addressed the crowd, his eyes running over the people's faces as if he expected to see someone he knew. "Excited to be here, folks?"

There was some mild clapping and calling from some of the louder dads.

"You don't sound excited. This is the biggest musical event for students in a six-hundred-mile radius. We're playing for great prizes. These are your children and the peers of your children, playing their hearts out, folks! Now, are you excited, or not?"

The audience clapped and hooted, distinctly louder. Luke gave a wild smile. "Now, Dee and I will be playing an old Irish song called 'The Faerie Girl's Lament.' I hope you like it. Let us know!"

This was where I would normally either throw up or fall down, but I didn't feel like doing either.

I felt like grinning as big as Luke. I felt like kicking some music-geek ass. It was the best feeling I'd ever had. Where had the real me gone? Because I didn't want her back.

"Ready, Dee?" Luke asked softly.

His smile was infectious and for the first time in my life, being on stage felt right. I smiled hugely at him and began to play. The strings were still buttery-soft from the heat outside, and the acoustics of the stage made the harp sound twenty feet tall. Luke chipped in and began to play, and the flute was low and breathy like his singing voice, full of expression and barely suppressed emotions. Together, we sounded like an orchestra, albeit it an ancient, untamed one, and when I began to sing, the auditorium became as still as a winter night.

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